Settling My Sensory Issues (Part 3): Middle School Teacher Anxiety

I have been alive for nearly 24 years, and I’ve had my share of anxious moments. While the noon aides and other sensory-overload forms (i.e., fire alarms, hand dryers) have caused me significant stress, nothing compares to the two intense years I spent in middle school. Often, the workload got to the point where it was beyond what I’m normally used to in a typical learning environment. There were times where I would have to study for two tests on the same day, and, at the same time, complete five worksheets and three essays all in one night along with my exam preparation. Both seventh and eighth grades had high levels of work overload, but eighth grade was far more difficult regarding how much work I had to get done. In fact, one of my teachers didn’t seem to understand my autistic struggles, and used a discipline style that impacted my sensory issues and anxiety. It got to the point where the sensory overload ended up making me significantly struggle in my classes. I will go through the background behind his disciplinary style, the support I got from my parents, paras, and counselor, as well as the approaches they used to help me get through the stressful school year.

As I was going through my intermediate school, I developed a negative persona toward specific trigger words used to discipline the other students. For example, in fourth grade, I heard my bus driver and one of the noisy noon aides tell the kids to “knock it off!” Early in fifth grade, my bus driver said “knock it off” again, and hearing it for the first time that year made me nervous about anticipating the stern remarks the school officials made to the misbehaving students. Moreover, also in fifth grade, on the first day of school, I remember being in class near the middle of the day and I thought to myself, “I don’t think [my teacher] has shushed us yet.” A few minutes later, there was a shush, and I had become anxious about hearing that word. I thought that my classmates and I were old enough not to be shushed, which is why I developed anxiety around it.

My very first class in eighth grade was math. When I walked in the room, I saw the teacher, who seemed nice and looked like someone with which I would have a positive relationship. As it turned out, my relationship was good, but not perfect, and the anxiety slowly but surely creeped in starting with the first day. A few minutes into our first class, he said something that gave me a little rush of worry, “I love giving pop quizzes.” I never had pop quizzes during my school career, and it caused me uncertainty that I would go into one unprepared. Unfortunately, at the end of the second week of the year, I missed a cue from him to review notes as part of weekend homework. I ended up taking a quick glance at the work and thinking I’m in good shape when I needed to do more reviewing. That Monday, we had a pop quiz. I only managed to get a 60 on it. That was the lowest grade I had received on any test in my school career, and it marked the beginning of the downward spiral of my awful eighth-grade year in math. Fortunately, we reached out to the teacher after the 60, and he said he would give me advanced notice of pop quizzes in the future. Even though the low grade was very tough on me as a student, the worst anxiety was yet to come.

One thing that was rough in eighth grade was that all of my teachers were shushers. Again, I felt we were old enough not to be shushed, so it was difficult to hear “shh” throughout the day as a 13-year old. Regardless, my other teachers didn’t have major temper blowups, so I wasn’t too anxious being in their classes. Right around the fourth week of the year, my math teacher sternly let out the three words to a student that set the mood that this year was going to be extremely difficult, “knock it off.” Hearing him say the trigger word made me so upset that I got emotional and had to step out of class. Even though the word was not directed toward me, it still got me upset because I often associate discipline to the whole class and not to the misbehaving student or students. We had two field trips a few weeks apart from each other, and both times when my homeroom teacher took attendance, he would yell “knock it off!” to have us quiet down. I kept my composure those times around, but it was around then I wanted to consult with my parents, liaison, and counselor about handling my stress and anxiety.

At the midway point of the school year, a huge red flag about my anxiety was that I had a C average in math. I never had a C average in any class before, and I was getting A’s and B’s in my other classes. One day, I was so anxious to go to math class that I tried to get myself to faint by standing up quickly in my previous class so I could spend time in the nurse’s office instead of going to the classroom. I didn’t tell my parents that incident until a few months ago, and they were shocked that my anxiety got to that point. When my anxiety was high without knowing about my faint attempt, the first approach my parents took was to go to administration, which was not helpful. The principal said that middle-school students can be difficult to tame, and that teachers need to use discipline when those incidents occur. Afterward, we turned to my liaison and counselor. They both wanted to help reduce my anxiety and make me more relaxed and successful. Both of them got in contact with my math teacher and told him about what was going on. He did feel bad about making me upset, but, honestly, didn’t have 100% empathy. After getting talked to about my anxiety around “knock it off,” he still went on to using it twice on two different occasions, both times to the same student. He was a friend of mine who had ADHD, and since we were close at the time, my anxiety built up even more because I didn’t like him discipling someone close to me. Both times after my teacher used the words, I would leave his classroom for my liaison’s room, where my para would find me to cheer me up. She would rub my back and try to make me laugh, which made me more relaxed and put me in a better place.

Along with my bad math grade, another sign of my anxiety was my tense attitude at home. I would get easily upset if things didn’t go my way. I was battling anxiety and in the midst of puberty, which led to the displacement. With all of the negative implications playing a role on my well-being, my parents helped me with reminding me to stay calm and that everything will be fine. They also got my counselor involved, who would help me with some relaxation techniques and find ways to reduce anxiety around the trigger words.

When I met with my counselor to discuss my stressful situation, she helped do some anxiety-reducing strategies. One of those techniques was guided visualization. I closed my eyes, and she had me imagine I was at a waterpark full of waterslides and a lazy river. Her visualization made me feel I was actually at the waterpark on a warm, sunny summer day. The atmosphere of the waterpark made me feel relaxed and helped keep my mind off the trigger words. The visualization worked so many wonders for me that I continue to use it today when I feel stressed or anxious in any situation. Another approach she used with me was role playing.

We went into a spare classroom and she would pretend she was a teacher and use the trigger words to help desensitize my worry for them. Here’s how she spoke in a way that is similar to how my math teacher would’ve reacted if our class was more out of control than it was:

“Hello, class. Take a seat, and let’s get to work. I know you’re wondering when our next test will be and … shh! I feel that we’ve gotten a lot accomplished for us to … I said, ‘shh!’ If you all are up for it, we can … hey! Knock it off! You know what? You guys are too noisy and we’re not getting any work done. I suggest you knock it off and shh!”

Seeing my counselor act that way didn’t make me too anxious because I knew the words were coming and seeing them applied that way felt more humorous than serious. She did that with me several times after the two instances with my classmate and it slightly helped change my attitude toward the trigger words and did a little to help with my anxiety. In the most funny role play of all, she got my math teacher involved and we all took turns being the teacher. It was difficult for me because I was nervous to use disciplinary actions, but I still used the words but in very weak forms. When it was my math teacher’s turn to be the teacher for our skit, I had crossed out “knock it off” on the sheet of trigger words, but he still used it, anyway. I didn’t mind that he used it because I felt it was coming, and I didn’t have any emotional breakdowns. That day was the last time I heard him use the trigger words. I have seen him since my anxiety-ridden eighth-grade year, and he has treated me with respect and I treated him with respect. My anxiety from that year no longer impacts me today, and when I look back to those days, I say to my parents that was the worst anxiety of my entire life, and I do not hold any grudges against my teacher in any way. The trigger words don’t bother me like they used to, and I don’t remember the last time I choked up or got upset over a shush or a “knock it off.”

Getting through the trigger words was not an easy task to get through to improve my well-being. It took lots of coping strategies, but everything my parents, counselor, liaison, and para did to make me feel relaxed and in a good place significantly helped me become a better person and student. There are many autistic middle-school kids who struggle with sensory overload and anxiety, which can significantly impact their potential for success. No matter how significant, any stressors should be included on to any child’s IEP to show the roadblocks that can impact his or her mood and capabilities. All school workers who work with the child must strictly follow the IEP to ensure success and happiness in everything he or she does. If a teacher or administrator doesn’t follow the IEP, then the parents or the student (if he or she feels comfortable) must advocate and thoroughly explain why the situation is causing the anxiety. Promoting a relaxed learning and social environment requires communication from both sides. It’s never an easy process to make the environment perfect, but every approach to make kids less anxious or worried goes a long way toward improving their success as a student and human being.